Ghosting Tip One…
Don’t get into your head about it.
I know, I know…that’s easier said than done. But we simply don’t know why they’re not contacting after a date or a few meetups; we don’t have access to their brain. It could be because they’re busy, they’re testing you, they’re seeing other people, they’re working, they’re away on business, they’re on holiday, they haven’t even thought about it, or even…they’re just not into you.
Take things at face value and keep your head on straight. There’s no point in trying to analyse why he’s no longer showing interest, the only thing you can do is bear in mind the following…
SILENCE IS A COMPLETE MESSAGE.
If he’s not contacting you or asking you out, then unless he’s held hostage somewhere or stuck up a mountain, it’s because…he doesn’t want to. Right now, that’s all you need to know. If you’ve just met, the fact is, you’re virtually strangers, no matter how much he fluttered your heart and gave you the love shakes.
You can’t look to him to validate you or offer an explanation. Unless you’re in a relationship, it’s best to tell yourself, ‘He didn’t contact me, so we’re not a match right now…for whatever reason’.
This is the only sane thing to do in a new dating scenario.
The above tip is probably the best way forward in most cases. It stands to reason that if a guy wants to contact a woman then he can do so with one click. It’s not as if he has to fly across the world to knock on your door; he simply has to move his thumbs for a few seconds, and his communication will land in your lap. A text, an email, a phone call or a social media comment all allow him to reach you without breaking a sweat.
Now, I know that’s not very reassuring, but If you’re determined to get more closure, I do have a suggestion that will help you get out of the analysing and take a small action that can move things on, without feeling you’re chasing him. So, let’s check that out.
Ghosting Tip Two
If you’re going to act on the following suggestion, do so with all of tip number one in mind. If you feel it’s his turn to make the next move, then it’s your call whether or not you want to drop him an invite to The Last Chance Saloon. That means you’re willing to give him one last opportunity to connect before you let him rest in peace.
If you’ve let enough time pass and feel that it’s going to fizzle out without an intervention, then there’s one action you can take that’s low investment, but will give you closure either way.
One caveat is…you only use this if you’ve so far resisted texting or contacting him. If you’ve tried to communicate with him and he’s ignored you, then you already have your answer. He’s not interested (right now). He might come back around, but as far as you’re concerned, it’s over and out and you keep dating others.
But if it’s all gone quiet and you haven’t hounded him, then there’s a text you can send that allows you to make a micro-move to feel out the situation.
This involves what I refer to as…
‘The Paper Plane’…
This action is the equivalent of making a plane out of paper and launching it across the room at someone. When it hits them and falls to the floor, they look round to see where it came from, notice you and throw it back (or not). Either way, you have their attention by doing something fun and innocent.
The way you do this with your ‘ghost’ is to send a text that does a similar job. It should be a harmless little message that doesn’t carry any expectations, and it doesn’t ask a question that requires a response.
What you send is a ‘statement’
Think of something you know about him, or an ‘in-joke’ you have between you, so you’ll have to reflect and see what you can recall. Whatever you come up with, you’re going to send your text based on this information.
Here are some examples ofwhat that might be:
- Something funny happened on a date: The waiter dropped the soup, the couple on the next table had a row, you fell over, he choked on his spaghetti, you both drank too many porn-star martinis.
- He suggested you read a particular book, go to an event, watch a certain film, visit a special location, try a restaurant, sample a particular food.
- You had different tastes or opinions about something; sports, music or something else.
Then you send a text making a statement about your particular scenario. Here are some examples:
‘I just watched that film you recommended. It put me in a good mood!’.
‘I just saw that waiter who dropped the soup. Too funny’.
‘I went to the art gallery you recommended. Great choice’.
‘I had to sit through a rap gig last night. Torture’.
‘I finally tried that wine you mentioned. You have good taste. (And I now need rehab).
If the relationship was a bit more intense, you could send something a bit more meaningful:
‘I just visited the restaurant where we had our first date. It made me feel happy’.
‘I just passed the theatre where we had our first kiss. I felt all flustered’.
Telling someone that a memory made you happy, flustered or any other positive emotion is powerful.
If he has any heart for you, he’ll FEEL something about that statement.
It can be any variation of something that you’ve seen, visited, eaten, drank, read, watched or experienced, that will give him good vibes.
When you make him smile, you’ll be back on his mind.
As you can see, the above texts lack pressure; they’re either playful or warm. You’re not expecting him to do anything with that information. All you’ve done is remind him of a shared experience, teased him or complimented him on his good taste.
And who wouldn’t want to receive such a charming text?
And that is your paper plane move.
ther he’ll pick it up and throw it back or he won’t. But at least you’ll have your closure.
If you were justifying that maybe he was nervous about contacting you, then you’ll soon find out. You haven’t had to make a big move to ask him out, or enquire how he is; all you’ve done is create a space for him to reconnect.
Be aware that when you send him the paper plane, you’re coming forward…
Desire is created in the gap between what we want and what we can have. If you’re too available, it can work against you. However, as I’ve stated, if you feel that this relationship is going to fizzle out completely, then it might be worth throwing him a dating bone.
That’s not to say you jump the gun and get impatient, there’s many a potential love-match that was sabotaged by over-analysing. But, it doesn’t always make sense to discard a potential connection based on a man backing off in the early stages. If he continues to do so, then that’s a cue to lean back and leave him alone. Sometimes giving him space will allow him to reflect and miss you. But if not, then maybe he’s not ready to make the effort to secure a relationship.
Remember he doesn’t know that you’re a great woman YET!
If he’s a bit lazy or a hot guy, he might be used to women hanging around waiting for him. If you figure out that’s who he is and suspect he’s not ready for love, then that’s your cue to walk away. Seriously, if he doesn’t respond to something so innocent and playful as the paper plane text, then he’s either too unsure or has no heart for you at all.
But at least you have given him his chance. You didn’t ask him a question; you didn’t ask how he was; you didn’t try to initiate a response. It was a simple, fun communication that gives him the chance to reach out.
That’s it. And that’s all he gets.
Ghosting Tip Three
Remember that dating is a journey. It’s your chance to see if you are a match. The whole way down the dating path, unless you both want to become exclusive, then you owe each other nothing except manners and respect.
So many times we get caught up in mental wrangles over guys we don’t even know. We start fantasising that he’s ‘the one’ and start staring at our phones waiting for a text or call.
We don’t even know who this person is yet.
Let him show you who he is and as you go along, check to see if he meets your value criteria, treatment levels and boyfriend/husband requirements.
Meanwhile, keep having fun, being spontaneous and enjoying dating as many people as you like. That way, if the one you like doesn’t call, or disappears, then you can realistically tell yourself, ‘MY person will want to be by my side. Either this is not my person, or this guy’s not yet ready for a relationship’. Either way, I’m not waiting.
And that is the end of that.
If you’ve experienced a ghosting or it happens in the future, these three tips can help you either reconnect or let him go.
Hope they help in your journey to dating success.
If you like those texting scripts then check out my manual…
‘Texting Secrets For Women. The Life-Altering Solution For Women Who Want An Impulsive YES From The Man Of Their Dreams.’
It contains over 200++ ‘Love Me Tender’ Texts that help you connect with the heart and mind of the guy you like or love.
No more second-guessing, these are cut and paste scripts you can tweak to suit your particular situation.
You can check it out here.