One of the most painful emotions we can feel, is the hurt of rejection. When we love someone, who doesn’t love us back, it stings. But I’m here to blow the notion of unrequited love, out of your life….today.
And I’m going to do that, by suggesting that it doesn’t actually exist!
Weird notion, right?
Well let me explain.
When you are deeply attracted to someone who is not reciprocating, or showing you enough attention, that is nothing to do with ‘love’. When you find yourself saying, ‘Oh I can’t bear it, I love him so much, but he doesn’t want me’, then you’ve been dragged into a drama you don’t belong in.
Love is a mainly positive feeling. It feels good to love someone. It’s normal to share support, equal attraction, similar values and mutual admiration; these are the ingredients of a love match. It doesn’t mean there won’t be conflict or disagreements; when we rub each other up the wrong way, it helps us address our inner wounding and grow stronger. In that sense, some mis-matching is good. But if the basic ingredients of respect, attraction and goodwill are missing, then you’re actually in a self-imposed torture chamber. And you need to get yourself the hell out of it.
It’s a tragic waste of time.
If it’s not unrequited love…what is it?
Instead of saying you’re in a situation of unrequited ‘love’, then just change that word, to unrequited worship. If you’re adoring someone and aching at their lack of interest, then get your energy away from that pointless situation and put it where you’ll get results. It’s time to get laser focused on where you’re investing energy, and if you only have a small amount of time to live and give, then be uncompromising in where your attention’s going.
It’s time to EDIT OUT THE FLAKES.
If he’s giving you a little bit of his time, that can feel even worse. You end up sitting around waiting for him to show up and when he drops you a delicious love snack, you grab it because you’re starved. If you’re experiencing a little bit of him and romanticising it all, telling yourself, ‘Yes but it’s the best 30 minutes of my week when I’m with him’, then I’m sorry, you’re trying to fill a soul hole with some guy who’s not ready to care about your life, your spirit or your happiness.
And why do we do that?
Why do we get hooked on the one person that has so little to offer?
Well it can be for many reasons. Maybe we have attachment issues, or low self-worth, or we’ve lost hope.
Whatever the reason, we can turn it all around.
What to do about unrequited ‘love’
The first way to break out of the negative cycle of so called, ‘unrequited love’, is to recongise that the guy you’re worshipping, is not ‘the one’, at least not for now. If he’s not worshipping you in return, that means your idolising him, you don’t love him. Love is something created between two people and it’s built on a bedrock of trust and respect.
Just ask yourself, ‘Where am I on his list of priorities?’. At the top? In the middle? At the bottom? Er..I’m not even on his list? Start being honest, because it’s not him that’s wasting your time, it’s you. And if you’re a certain age, or want marriage, or kids, then it’s time you certainly don’t have.
If you’ve made him your , ‘exclusive breadcrumber’, then get back out into the dating world and start meeting other men. If you’re not ready to let him go, then you can tell him this…
‘I really like you, but I only want to be exclusive with someone who’s ready to commit. We can still see each other, but I’ll also be seeing other people’.
You don’t have to use those exact words, adapt them to your own situation. But if you suspect he’s not into you as much as you’re into him, then be prepared to take a stand. If you’re not in an exclusive relationship, then just keep dating others and take your attention off him for a while.
If he’s your Ex and he’s left you devastated, then you might want to check out the program ‘The Ex Files’, which shows you how to win back his heart or find someone better. You can click through to that below…
It’s time to be focused on the type of love-match you want. Get clear on what being ‘in love’ looks like for you. It’ll keep you driven by your relationship requirements, instead of a guy you happen to like.
That way, you’ll stay out of unrequited love and sail into the future with a man who’s ready to meet your real needs.
To your happy-ever-after.
Linda Bebbington is a Relationship Coach & Psychotherapist, helping you to find love, save your relationship and overcome heartbreak. She’s the author of ‘The Ex Files’ and the creator of ‘Texting Secrets For Women’ and ‘The Boyfriend Blueprint’. You can contact her below for 1-1 coaching or to book a free consultation.