If you want to find a man who meets your needs, then it’s important to define and convey what those needs are.  Often when we’re first dating we can either become too demanding or we’re reluctant to scare someone away with talk of commitment.  

If you’re connecting with a guy and want more, but he’s not there yet, there are 3 mindset and energy shifts you can make, to get you further along the love road, than pushy strategies and tactics that don’t work.

1. Drop the vibe of ‘I need you to make me happy’.

When you give off this message with your words and actions, it comes off as desperate and he’ll feel something’s being taken from him.  On the other hand, if your heart is full and ready to share, then he’ll know.  If you ‘need’ someone, then find ways of filling up on  positivity. That way, your relationship becomes about expanding joy and love.  If you’re open to connecting and your guy doesn’t have his heart open for sharing, then energetically you’ll sense this.  You can then start filtering out those who aren’t interested.  There’s someone out there who’s ready and when you’re in the right mindset…you’ll attract him to you.

2. Do less and be more.

This is a way of allowing a relationship to unfold when it’s ready.  If you’re loving your own life, then you’ll POP to the right man who’s open to a relationship.  A healthy man needs distance and space to figure out love situations (so do women but men are usually slower).  A masculine man wants to offer you action, but he’s only inspired to do that when you relax into an energy of confidence and openness.  Let him do the work.   You ‘doing’ stuff makes him lean back.

3. Know where you’re going & have goals.

If you know you want children, marriage and connection, then that’s what drives your behaviour now.  Not only will you have more confidence, you’ll convey that energetically.  You’re not asking him to be your ‘baby daddy!’…you’re just clear on what you want and you’re looking for someone to join you.  Just observe him and see what he’s offering and you’ll figure out if he’s a match.  Speak your truth in a light and breezy way.  Express that you’re looking for a commitment, but not necessarily from him.  You want someone who’s on the same wavelength and it’s okay to voice that, without hanging your expectations all over your relationship with a new guy.

When you relax, men feel your ease, and it’ll help you move closer to true love with a man who’s ready to build with you.

To summarise…

⦁ Never ‘need’ a man.  If you feel you have a hole in your soul, then get help to heal and shift old stuck patterns.  Fill up on other love sources.

⦁ Don’t do so much.  Lean back and draw him to you by creating space.

⦁ Make relationship goals and consider dropping any guy who’s not on board with them. (But don’t be in too much of a rush_. It’ll help keep you focused and weed out the unsuitables.

To your life and love

Linda B x

Linda Bebbington is a Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach.  She’s the author of ‘The Ex-Files – How To Get Your Ex Back’ and  ‘Texting Secrets For Women’ and creator of  ‘The Boyfriend Blueprint’.  You can contact her below for 1-1 coaching or book a free consultation.

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